Saturday, May 12, 2012

Birth mother's day

Dear Kristiina, As always you are never far from my thoughts and prayers. In my mind, you have two days to celebrate. Today is birth mother's day, and tomorrow is mother's day. Would you think it strange if I said that I feel this connection to you that is almost unsettling? I have no clue what you look like, but when O looks me deeply in the eyes, I wonder if his expression is somewhat like yours. I often hope you are doing well, are happy, and celebrate in knowing that our son is loved, healthy, and happy. I imagine he crosses your mind from time to time if not often. I hope you have peace and comfort wherever you might be. I'd like to tell you a little more about him. Oskar is funny. He makes me laugh more than anyone I have ever known. His little mind is very smart, and he is always trying to figure something out. He loves to play in the dirt with his yellow dump truck. He will dance but only if no one is watching. He loves raw vegetables, especially tomatoes and lettuce. He adores eating salad with no dressing. He gives the best hugs and kisses. He is very handsome, too handsome I think. He feels he must work on finding a wife right now(for when he is older). He says he has fallen in love with a little girl named Gracie Bell. She doesn't like him back, but that doesn't discourage him. He says he will change her mind, and they will marry when he is 20. One time he brought her chocolates to school. He has tried buying her a diamond necklace too, says girls love jewelry. He is quite the charmer you see. Perhaps he learned that partly from me. You see, Oskar wasn't so sure about loving me in the beginning. I made it my life's mission to win his heart. I never worked harder at anything in my life than bringing Oskar home and earning his love and trust. Oskar loves you in case you ever wondered. Though he doesn't know you, he thinks of you and wonders about you. He asked me what color your eyes were. I love that about him. I think it means he has a kind and compassionate heart. We talk about you whenever he wants to. I still pray one day I at least have a picture of you for him. I have tried though every avenue I know to find out more about you, but I keep coming up empty handed. One day...... More than anything I want to say thank you! I have no judgements toward you. I will never pretend to know what it was like to walk in your shoes. All I can say is we love you for giving Oskar life, and we hope and want the best for you. As always, if it is ever possible, we are here waiting to know more about you and willing to let you know more about Oskar. You would be so proud of him. He scored 75% in his state math testing. He is so sweet and creative. Life is one big adventure for our boy. He can swim, work any electronic device, and loves babies. Our rambunctious hyper boy turns as gentle as a dove when he is around a baby. Deep down he has a kindness that everyone can see. Kristiina, whenever you are, I hope God walks with you. Take comfort in knowing I'm keeping our boy safe, healthy, and still loved enough for the both of us.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Nonni(aka A.J.)

For now she is my youngest daughter. I'm not sure anyone in the world could ever take A.J.'s place. She is quite possibly one of the coolest people I have ever met. To watch her little mind work is just amazing. She might also have every single one of my bad qualities. Boy, does her mouth get her into trouble. A.J. is super opinionated, and she doesn't understand injustice at all. P.S. her middle name is Justice ;) I've had to explain lot of things this year to her.
A.J. is in many ways innocent, until you see her dance that is. She looks like a professional hip hop dancer, no idea where she got it from. Still, A.J. doesn't understand a lot of things. Her father always said she lived in her own universe. A.J. has recently learned about racism. She has absolutely no idea why people would ever feel that way. When she asks me why I see nothing but confusion in her eyes. She doesn't know the n word(racial slur). She thought it stood for negro which she learned in black history month. Her best friends are both bi racial. A..J. loves God very much but is confused right now about his timing. She can't fathom why he doesn't do things when she wants them done. She rarely prays for herself too, mostly only for others.
A.J. is fun. She loves going to her school. She changed this year to the private school O goes too. I feel awful she did not do it sooner. I never knew how unhappy she was. She has many friends and is always laughing. I love being around her when she isn't too moody. Things with A.J. can change in a heartbeat. She has always been a very emotional little girl.
My youngest daughter is simply a gift to me. I could have a 10 more kids and no one could ever come close to what she gives to me. Sometimes she still brings her 9 year old self to cuddle with me in my bed. I love it when that happens. Pretty soon she will be too big.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


I thought I would post updates on all the kids, one each day. I'll start youngest to oldest.

Mr Oskar, oh what a handful little Eesti man is. Ooops, he likes to be called an American boy now, but he still says he is going back to Estonia one day to visit. Little man is in 1st grade and learning to read. He thinks reading and school is very boring though. He would much rather fight imaginary battles with bad guys or play video games. He says he will be a police officer when he grows up and has decided he will marry when he is 20 and only wants 1 child. He did want 10 kids ;) He is quite the lady's man. He opens doors for women, flirts shamelessly, and fully expects all women will eventually fall in love with him. I can't really argue with him because usually they do. It's pretty difficult not to love Oskar. He turns on the charm and smiles that smile that melts your heart. He is growing taller but has not gained any weight in a year. You would not be able to tell by the way he eats. It seems like I can't ever get that boy full. I still have to buy 6 slim pants and tighten the waist to keep them up. All in all, he is doing quite well, and I am very proud of him. He is my baby boy, and always will be. Oh, and he says when he grows up he will buy a house right beside mine so we can always be together.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

A new little one...

I think God laughs at me when I make plans. I never intended to have any more children after O. He gave me the magic number 4, and we were pretty content with that. Then we met his sister, and all that changed. 2 years we have been waiting for an update, and we still know nothing. God knows everything though, and a new little daughter is on the way. I am about 5 months pregnant with the baby we never thought we would have. We were d.o.n.e. We had tried for a while and it never happened, so we were resigned that it was not meant to be. That was NOT why we adopted though. As irony would have it, we had not tried for another bio when we started O's adoption. Regardless a little girl is on the way to shake things up in this house. O's is heartbroken he is not having a brother, but gets over it a little more every day. The other kiddos are excited, and me, well, I'm still in shock, blessed but in shock. She already has a name too, which of course has to be secret on the net until she graces us with her presence.