Saturday, May 12, 2012

Birth mother's day

Dear Kristiina, As always you are never far from my thoughts and prayers. In my mind, you have two days to celebrate. Today is birth mother's day, and tomorrow is mother's day. Would you think it strange if I said that I feel this connection to you that is almost unsettling? I have no clue what you look like, but when O looks me deeply in the eyes, I wonder if his expression is somewhat like yours. I often hope you are doing well, are happy, and celebrate in knowing that our son is loved, healthy, and happy. I imagine he crosses your mind from time to time if not often. I hope you have peace and comfort wherever you might be. I'd like to tell you a little more about him. Oskar is funny. He makes me laugh more than anyone I have ever known. His little mind is very smart, and he is always trying to figure something out. He loves to play in the dirt with his yellow dump truck. He will dance but only if no one is watching. He loves raw vegetables, especially tomatoes and lettuce. He adores eating salad with no dressing. He gives the best hugs and kisses. He is very handsome, too handsome I think. He feels he must work on finding a wife right now(for when he is older). He says he has fallen in love with a little girl named Gracie Bell. She doesn't like him back, but that doesn't discourage him. He says he will change her mind, and they will marry when he is 20. One time he brought her chocolates to school. He has tried buying her a diamond necklace too, says girls love jewelry. He is quite the charmer you see. Perhaps he learned that partly from me. You see, Oskar wasn't so sure about loving me in the beginning. I made it my life's mission to win his heart. I never worked harder at anything in my life than bringing Oskar home and earning his love and trust. Oskar loves you in case you ever wondered. Though he doesn't know you, he thinks of you and wonders about you. He asked me what color your eyes were. I love that about him. I think it means he has a kind and compassionate heart. We talk about you whenever he wants to. I still pray one day I at least have a picture of you for him. I have tried though every avenue I know to find out more about you, but I keep coming up empty handed. One day...... More than anything I want to say thank you! I have no judgements toward you. I will never pretend to know what it was like to walk in your shoes. All I can say is we love you for giving Oskar life, and we hope and want the best for you. As always, if it is ever possible, we are here waiting to know more about you and willing to let you know more about Oskar. You would be so proud of him. He scored 75% in his state math testing. He is so sweet and creative. Life is one big adventure for our boy. He can swim, work any electronic device, and loves babies. Our rambunctious hyper boy turns as gentle as a dove when he is around a baby. Deep down he has a kindness that everyone can see. Kristiina, whenever you are, I hope God walks with you. Take comfort in knowing I'm keeping our boy safe, healthy, and still loved enough for the both of us.

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