Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A picture I love

Love maybe comes before trust. I did not always know this. Andy, AJ, and Miri trusted me I think from the beginning. They accepted who I was in their life and knew I would not hurt them, would always be there, and that I loved them. With little O, it took longer. I know he loved me very quickly. After all, how could he not fall in love with me, knowing that I worshiped the ground he walked on ;) We had fun, I opened new doors for him, and I came to take him home. He knew for a long time I was coming, so he took my hand, and off we went. However, trust took longer. We all have different ideas of what trust is perhaps. One of mine is falling asleep with someone. I've loved a good many people in my life, but I have felt comfortable enough to fall asleep with few. I'm the last person to close my eyes, even with my husband of almost 15 years. I wasn't raised to ever let my guard down. So how long did it take for me to earn O's trust? It took 8 months. It took 8 long months for him to fall asleep in my arms. He liked being held much sooner than that, but if he felt himself nodding off, he would go to his bedroom and climb into bed. Being that close was......uncomfortable to him. I could sense his panic. I know the feeling. I remember what it was like to wonder what might happen when I fell asleep or the disappointment of wondering if the one person I loved would be there when I woke up. Children's hearts get hurt easier than ours do though they heal faster too. 8 months after being home, my son allowed me to rock him to sleep. I may not have pictures of his first tooth or the first step, but I have a picture of the first time he slept in my arms. 8 months is how long it takes to diligently and daily work on earning 6 year old's trust.

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