Thursday, January 28, 2010

The things they never tell you about adoption

When you first begin the process of adoption, you begin being educated. In order to pass a home study and be Hague qualified, prospective parents take many hours of classes on children. A good portion always deals with bonding. They warn you that it takes time and patience to bond. There are always suggestions on how to facilitate the process and make things easier. Mostly though I remember my classes as well as other parents warning me about the unknowns. We are all told that their will be unexpected health issues, behavior problems, and not to loose faith. For certain adoption is HARD. Nothing ever goes as planned. Paperwork is lost, things are left out, and it ALWAYS costs more that what they tell you. No one tells you that last part though lol.

So going into adoption and having been fully warned, I took everything I heard with a grain of salt. The only thing I knew for certain was that my son had a smile that could charm a serpent and that God brought me to him. I came with very little expectations. I wanted only one thing, and that was to let him know that I accepted him on his terms and for who he was.

I worked my ass off trying to learn Eesti because how could I expect a child to learn my language without giving him the same respect? I can truly say that I know as much Eesti as he does English. It's not a lot, but I did try. No told me to do that, I just wanted to.

So this brings me back to my title, what they don't tell you. So I told you how I was forewarned about everything, but there was so much that got left out. No one told me that I could love like this. No one told me that seeing my son smile even after 2 months would take my breath away. No one told me that I would think my son was the most handsome boy in the world. No one told me that he would try to buy me flowers, carry my groceries, or warn me to turn on my windshield wipers at the first sign of rain drops. No one told me that a 5 year old boy would crawl up in my lap, give me Eskimo kisses, and nuzzle his head against my neck. No one told me that even when he acted up or misbehaved that I really would not care.

No one told me in less than 3 months I could love like this. I was not warned that it would feel like he has always been here. No one told me that I would walk through hell if it meant making him happy. Most of all, I was not told that it was possible that he could really love me so soon. With all the warnings about bonding, I never knew that he would hold me so tight, squeal even when I came back in the room 5 minutes later, or that he would let me rock him and tell him that he belongs to me and I to him. No one told me he would smile each time I said, "Oskar Daniel you are mine".

The most important thing that has stayed consistent is that all of this was meant to be. From the beginning I knew my son was born on the other side of the world. I was born to be his mother, and he was waiting for me to bring him home. From the moment I saw his picture I have belonged to Oskar. He is my heart, and on the hardest of days, he makes it all okay. All of my children are treasured gifts, and each of them thank me for their brother often. I never knew it would feel so right. I never knew a little boy could change my world the way he did. I do not worry the way I used to. I do not stress about money or bills. Most of all I am not afraid. My Oskar is not afraid, so I try hard to be strong like my son. He makes me a better person, wife, and mother. He is everything I wanted and exactly what I needed.


  1. He makes the whole time waiting so worth it with that smile of his. I knew once you had seen him and had him home all of the other things would slowly fade and it would seem like he has been yours forever.