Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dear Oskar,

It's been a long time since Momma wrote you a letter. I have to admit, I enjoy being able to say all those things to you that I wrote for the last 18 months, but I think one day you will enjoy looking back and reading about the journey to bring you home. Still, with everything I am able to give you and say to you, there is even more you don't understand. So I thought it was time to write you again so you would know all that is in my heart.

First of all, you are amazing. You are everything I thought you would be and more. I knew you would come to America and talk us all by storm, and you have. You are energetic, happy, and passionate about everything. You are still refusing to say a lot in English, but I knew you would from the very beginning. My son lives on his own terms, and I know when you are ready you will tell me all you want to say. You already do in Eeesti.

You are brave! I've already seen you endure much more than you should, but you have no hard feelings. You go right up to the lab tech who stuck you and give her a hug and kiss. I promise, one day we will finally get caught up on all of these immunizations, and you won't have to be stuck so much. Still, you hang in there with me and roll with the punches, and I am so proud of you.

You still rock yourself to sleep, and I'd give anything for you to let me do instead. I know it will come though. You waited 5 years for a mother. I figure it's the least I can do to wait 5 years for you. So I am giving you time, and I am trying not to push.

You love, oh how you love. Whether it's screaming with joy when we come home, or it's the way you look in the rear view mirror at me and smile, I know that you love us. It gets me through the hardest days when I know how happy you are and that you love us like we love you.

In case I forget to tell you, thank you for being born, and thank you for being patient with me. I am still learning how to be your mother, and I know sometimes I don't always get it right. You didn't come with an instruction book, and I am pretty much winging it. Still, with each day I wake up to that smile, I know I can conquer anything, and I know even more that God loves me because he gave me you.



  1. So sweet Shea. I'm happy everyone is transitioning somewhat smoothly. I've heard that if you mirror his rocking (not opposite, but rock exactly with him), that he will learn he is not alone.

  2. wow, that's beautiful. And what you've done is wonderful. I hope everything works out great for you Oskar and the rest of your family. Oskar, by the way, is thename of one of the most famous children's stories writers in Estonia (Oskar Luts).

  3. Thank you Kat for telling me that. I always wondered where his name might have came from. We gave him an American middle name, but his first name is to stay Oskar, and that is what we call him. I have tried to learn as much as I can about Estonia for his sake. He is so young, and I am afraid he will forget many things.