My first love

I wrote a post on this last night and saved it. I decided to wait so I could think about it though. Did I want to be completely honest. It wouldn't come out right. Not much I say ever does. So no, I'm not going to post it. I'll give a much less poetic synopsis of it.

I was 14 and he was almost 19 when we got to together, and yes, I know that was too young, and so did he. Suffice it to say he was a gentleman. We were neighbors. I was young, silly, and in love, the kid of love that takes your breath away and defies any source of reason. I was never a reasonable person anyway. He had a truck, was a musician, and only wore black. He was nice to me, nicer than anyone I ever knew. He listened to me, was one of the first people that ever did. We dated for 1 year and 2 months, and one day out of the blue, he drove off, and it was over. There was no warning, no I think we should be friends, no I want to break up. He looked at me, walked away, and drove off. I could take loosing a boyfriend I think, but it was really hard loosing my best friend. I did Emo in all it's glory.


I went to bed, refused to eat, and I'll never forget it was November. I hated winter every day since. My mother grew worried. I would overhear her talking to my grandmother. Grandma's soup appeared, my favorite. They begged me to eat. I lost a lot of weight. I was never really big to begin with, a junior size 13. I went out and bought pink things, lots of colored clothes, and I dated the first boy that came my way, a preppy little thing. I was 15. He kissed me on our first date and I cried the entire time. Like I said, I did emo proud just without the black.


A year later I met my husband.

Meaning behind my blog name

1familytogether. We started this blog after O came home or actually while in Estonia.

Saving the world before bedtime has a little more meaning. So I've been told my entire life I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can't change who I am, and I am at the point in my life I am too damn tired to care much about what others think even hubster. HE SAYS I can't save the world and wishes I would quit caring about everyone else which is translation for just worry about him ;) Isn't it funny that sometime the things that make someone fall in love are the exact things they want to change? So since he says I can't save the world, I tell him to sit back and watch me try. After all if I don't try to save the world who the hell else will? I figure it all starts with one person then another and on. Most people know by now that telling me I can't do anything only makes me more determined. Besides I gotta lot of bad karma to make up for. So if I don't go to bed exhausted and feeling like I gave everything I had to give, I'm not doing this life thing right. I can't take anything with me when I go, and I'll be damned if I'll be forgotten. So I AM going to try and save the world before bedtime, and that's all I have to say about that.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

Hello, I'm Shea Elizabeth. I'm many things, but first and foremost I'm a Christian. I'm also have four amazing kids. This August I will have been married for 15 years to man who drives me insane on a daily basis. He works very hard for our family and for the majority of our marriage worked 2-3 jobs, and I have to tell him I'm grateful very often or he forgets ;) I'm a nurse as well, but I try not to talk about work, it just pays some of the bills.

1. I don't eat pork.

2. I'm scared to death of mice. It is my worst fear.

3. I'm a very tolerant person. I have friends of all religions, races, sexual orientations, and beliefs. I'm okay with that. I don't bash them, and I don't expect them to judge me either.

4. I like everything fast and hot. My food is usually boiling and foot is very heavy. I NEED a red corvette badly (don't confuse want with need I NEED it )

5. I don't like people who brag about things. I figure if you have to brag you can't be very good at what you're talking about.

6. Riches don't impress me. In fact, I don't really like rich people. I'm what you might call a reverse snob.

7. I adore African food, Ethiopian food especially. I don't like injera though, and I feel weird about that lol.

8. Swimming is my most favorite thing in the world!!

9. I love to take cruises. We are hopefully going on our 3rd one later this year.

10. I love Strawberries and Champagne Victoria Secrets Lotion. It is my signature scent.

11. I'm not a girlie girl, but I clean up rather nicely. People look weird at me when I do, and it makes me wonder just how bad I look the rest of the time.

12. I've eaten escargot and I loved it.

13. I'm not against socialism and that surprises people, not necessarily for it but not against it. I especially am in favor of socialized medicine. I think Germany has a great system.

14. I could not live without my fax machine. I l.o.v.e. it.

15. I have 2 walk in closets in my bedroom. One is filled with gifts year round in preparation for xmas and birthdays.

This is stolen from one of my favorite bloggers of all time CJ http://www.dontlicktheferrets.com/page/2/

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Favorite memory
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

Grace

Many years ago one of the wisest people I ever met told me grace was a gift and it was free. She stopped me dead in my tracks with that comment. No one had ever said it with such certainty and peace. Gaila was one of those people that appeared to go around with her head in the clouds. Some would say she was naive. She is the type of person that is slow to anger and just being around her makes you feel at peace. Many would say she wasn't the typical minister's wife, and she wasn't. She was Gaila, and I know that God intervened in my life the day I met her as each and every person who has crossed my path. If it is possible for angels to walk the earth, Gaila is one.

See I'm not a very good person and not a good Christian at all. I'm prideful, stubborn, sinful, have an awful temper, and I never accept anything from anyone without looking behind me. I never received anything in life without having to fight for it. My own mother in her misguided attempt to make me strong would stand before me and try to break me down and taught me how to hurt without letting anyone see me cry. Yet, I always knew God loved me, but being me I would never take that 'gift' without paying back as much as possible. I don't try to 'save the world before midnight' for altruistic reasons. It is a simple matter of pride.

Still, Gaila's words cut deep into me. The thought that free was free was an exhilarating feeling. Then the weight of that gift came crashing down on me. I realized that there was nothing I would ever do or be able to earn to pay it back. That's when I learned to give more. The thought of God looking down on me smiling while shaking his head has never been far from my mind. I know he looks at me with amazement because he wrote everything down in this book called the bible and I still manage to get it all wrong.

Life doesn't have to be this hard; we just make it that way. Love doesn't have to be a struggle; we just expect too much back in return. Grace doesn't have to be earned; it can't be. There is nothing my children can do to earn my love. They had it from the first time they drew their breath, even Oskar and my heart daughter in Estonia. Though I am miserable at being the person God intends me to be, he loves me anyway. He loves you too, you know.

It's a pretty powerful thing to know your purpose on this earth, and I have known mine from the time I learned about God at 5 years old. I was brought here to love and be loved. It's not a matter of whether I deserve it or not; of course I don't. Still, it is what it is. No matter how many times we fall, we are still children of someone much better than we can hope to be. You can call him by any name you want, and the damn powerful thing about it all is you don't have to even acknowledge it. You can chose not to believe in him in any shape or form. Like the air you don't see, God will still be there. I know this like I know my soul. When I look inside I see darkness, but a dim light always shines. It guides me back when I fall, and believe me, I fall more than anyone could ever know. If there is a sin, I have pretty much been there.

Thank you Gaila for teaching me what grace meant. It's a pretty rare thing in this world to see the face of God, and because I'm the kind of person who needs it, God shows it from time to time to me. He stands above me shaking his head willing to give me just one more chance, knowing all the while 1 will turn into a thousand. I'm not going to invite you to pray and receive Christ like some people do, but Christ is so powerful and good, I hope you will want to know him.. I'm not going to tell you if you are going to hell. I'm not going to judge you; God is quite good at his job without me taking over. I'm not here to preach to you. You won't hear me tell you to go to church. God is not always found under roofs. I'm just here to remind you that if you ever feel alone, if you ever need to be loved, it is so much closer than you can imagine. When you accept grace powerful things happen. Life is a pretty hard thing to live alone. One needs all the help they can get. So it's there if you want it. God waits very patiently, and he is very good at it. He is quite the gentleman and never barges in uninvited, and I think that makes me want to know him even more ;)

Life has taken over and normalcy has set in, whatever that is. I 'speak' more on facebook than here, so I guess I don't blog much anymore. feel free to add me if you want. I post a zillion pics on there. Anywho, here is an update on everyone.

Andy: That 'boy' is keeping me on the edge of my seat. He has changed his major for maybe the 6th time and blown up the engine in his car. We just got it fixed yesterday though, so all is good in his little world. Plus he found a GREAT deal on an ipad, so my little techi is smiling.

Miri: My baby girl is almost 16, and I don't know how the hell that happened. She works really hard on her grades though, ad for the first time in her life I am going to surprise her. She reads my blog occasionally so I can't spill the beans. That girl is the most stubborn person I know next to myself. However, she is working really hard on school. She babysits from time to time and is trying to decide what she wants to be when she grows up. She is looking onto fields that don't involve people lol.

AJ: My sweet little nonni has had a hard time fitting into an 8 year old body. She has had a lot of jealousy about O, but I try very hard to give her lots of mommy and me time. Mostly I think she just.....feels weird. She has lost over 10 pounds and shot up inches in height it seems like over night. She is always hungry and wants to be cool like Miri. She thinks being 8 stinks and is little fun. She does love karate though and it surprises me how good at it she is. She told someone the other day people didn't take her seriously because she was a girl but they would one day!

Oskar or Oz as his father calls him: Little man is struggling. He thinks AJ gets all the attention lol and will not for the life of him admit to her that he loves her. However, he tells me all the time he does and watches her sleep. He thinks it stinks that she gets to be older and still sees it as his job to look over her. He takes being a brother seriously and makes sure she has her seat belt on, etc. He also makes sure that Miri's boyfriend doesn't kiss Miri lol. He has recently decided that Daddy is super cool and wants to be just like him. His English is excellent and he is doing better in school. He loves every second of life and often has a big smile on his face. He worries about everyone. He heard me one day say it was to busy at work for me to eat lunch, so now he wants to know if I ate. He is very excited about summer coming too!

Me: Winter has been hard. One day I will move somewhere it never snows or gets cold. I've been kind of achy this past season and am thrilled spring is here! It makes my heart happy. I'm still working full time and trying hard to get it all done around here. Each day I think of something I have forgotten, but hey, that always leaves room for improvement. At least I never get bored. Pretty soon it will be time to go swimming, to the park, the zoo, have barbecues and all the other fun stuff summer brings. Just thinking about it makes me smile.

Hubs: He works and does it well. That pretty much sums that up. Pretty soon his schedule will get better and I hope he will have more time to enjoy life and everything around him. He is trying really hard to give us everything we want and need, and I am VERY grateful for his weekly contributions to our bank account ;)

O took a hammer and made a rather large hole in the living room wall

I decided I needed to learn more about dry wall



Miri told me her boyfriend was really 18 and not 17

I decided that since she was honest that should count for something



A.J. told me today that she had a secret and that her best friend had asthma but said she could tell me

I was flattered that I was seen as a confidant by both girls



My husband worked 32 out of the last 36 hours, but he still took me to dinner tonight

I made up my mind not to complain about being tired for a while



O never ever sits still

I thought about how often I am lazy



Miri stayed up late this week to make me beignets and destroyed the kitchen

I thought about how lucky I was to have a daughter who would cook for me



I was told to be afraid of O and not give my heart so easily

I decided only cowards let fear keep them from loving with reckless abandon



A.J. told me that she is going to pray for God to change things

I was ashamed that an 8 year old had more faith than I did



O's principal told me that honestly she could not tell me if O was being bad because in her eyes he did no wrong

I had confirmation that my son was more loved than even I could see



A.J. makes sure O eats his veggies and put a clothes pin on his nose when he takes his breathing treatments

I am amazed that I have such a caring daughter to make sure her brother takes his medicine right



Miri only asks for something after she has given something in return, for instance a trip to the mall is worth doing chores

I raised a daughter that knows that nothing is free in life



My husband works 2 jobs and 6 days a week

I know that he hates to see me go without anything I want or need



I have a son that hates sitting anywhere unless he is in my lap

I make him feel safe and secure; noting is more flattering than that



I have a family that demands above and beyond from me

They must trust me an awfully lot to expect so much



I have friends that have given more support and love than any family member ever did

I now know that blood means nothing



I lost my temper and yelled at O the other day for being wild,then his lip puckered and he cried, but he forgave me

I know I can't hold grudges anymore



America and Estonia trusted me enough to raise a little boy more precious than any jewel

I must be stronger than I think



I have 4 children

I am richer than Bill Gates



Andy wanted to take me to lunch the other day

Even at 21 he still likes me, and that is so cool



Every day I get the chance to start all over and do a better job

God loves me enough that he never gives up on me