http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrPGyzvI_nU
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
What is love?
When I was a little girl, I often misunderstood the whole concept of love. Too often I heard those words spoken by my mother after a fight or thrown at me as a sort of apology. As far as my father was concerned, those words were entirely misused by people. Most times when I told him I loved him, I could see him cringe. For some reason those little words made him uncomfortable. He often told me to show him I loved him instead of saying it. So it did not take long for me to try and find other ways to communicate to him how much I adored him.
When I was 12 I decided to learn how to iron my dad's clothes. My mother had never done that, so I had very little guidance in that chore. I failed miserably when I chose to use the cotton setting on his silk shirt his deceased and adored grandmother had bought him. This act stands out in my memory because I am certain that was the first time I learned what earthly love was all about. I waited for my father to come home from work, and I had the shirt in my hand. I was scared to death and truly wanted to die. I waited for my father to yell, cry, or something. Instead he told me we needed more dishtowels anyway and said he wasn't mad at all. Nothing was ever said again about the matter. I think I knew in that instant that my father loved me. Though he never used those words, I never doubted it again. That was just how my dad was. He was never quick to anger, always willingly to listen, and I could tell him anything.
As some already know, I met my father when I was 2 years old. My mother was quite the woman to live with, and I remember asking him a few times why he chose her and why he stayed. He said he fell in love with me first, and then my mother. Those were the only times I heard that 4 letter word directed at me. What words for a daughter to hear. My father made every school conference, picked me up from school functions, and whenever I needed him, he would offer his ear. I don't recall him ever treating me like a child either. He believed that people would rise to what was expected of them, so he gave me respect, and in turn he received it back from me.
When Andy was born, I was pretty sure that my father would love him more because he was his biological son. I was used to being my mother's favorite, whatever that meant, and I already knew I was loosing that place. My mother had wanted a son her entire life, and when Andy came he quickly became the jewel of her eye. My dad adored him as well, but I never felt slighted by him. He must have told me and my sister a thousand times that he felt no differently about Andy than he did us. Besides we all adored Andy so much, it would not have mattered anyway. It was our whole family's goal to see that boy had everything he wanted and needed.
So, I come back around full force into my initial question about the definition of love. Of course, when that words creeps up, I can not help but think about my Oskar. I think about how people wonder if an adopted child could be loved as much as a biological child. Then I remember a little girl standing in the kitchen with a scorched silk shirt waiting for her father with tears in her eyes. I remember Andy coming home from the hospital and watching to see if my father loved him more. Then I feel really silly and I remember those words spoken long ago, " Shea Elizabeth, I probably should have walked away a long time ago, but I just could not leave you. I fell in love with you first and then your mother."
Love has no biological ties. Love doesn't have to be so hard. Love is a choice, a commitment. Love is hearing a man say he never had to stay, but he wasn't walking out on his daughter, his daughter by heart, not blood. Do I love Oskar as much as my other children? Hell Yes. After all, I am my father's daughter.
When I was 12 I decided to learn how to iron my dad's clothes. My mother had never done that, so I had very little guidance in that chore. I failed miserably when I chose to use the cotton setting on his silk shirt his deceased and adored grandmother had bought him. This act stands out in my memory because I am certain that was the first time I learned what earthly love was all about. I waited for my father to come home from work, and I had the shirt in my hand. I was scared to death and truly wanted to die. I waited for my father to yell, cry, or something. Instead he told me we needed more dishtowels anyway and said he wasn't mad at all. Nothing was ever said again about the matter. I think I knew in that instant that my father loved me. Though he never used those words, I never doubted it again. That was just how my dad was. He was never quick to anger, always willingly to listen, and I could tell him anything.
As some already know, I met my father when I was 2 years old. My mother was quite the woman to live with, and I remember asking him a few times why he chose her and why he stayed. He said he fell in love with me first, and then my mother. Those were the only times I heard that 4 letter word directed at me. What words for a daughter to hear. My father made every school conference, picked me up from school functions, and whenever I needed him, he would offer his ear. I don't recall him ever treating me like a child either. He believed that people would rise to what was expected of them, so he gave me respect, and in turn he received it back from me.
When Andy was born, I was pretty sure that my father would love him more because he was his biological son. I was used to being my mother's favorite, whatever that meant, and I already knew I was loosing that place. My mother had wanted a son her entire life, and when Andy came he quickly became the jewel of her eye. My dad adored him as well, but I never felt slighted by him. He must have told me and my sister a thousand times that he felt no differently about Andy than he did us. Besides we all adored Andy so much, it would not have mattered anyway. It was our whole family's goal to see that boy had everything he wanted and needed.
So, I come back around full force into my initial question about the definition of love. Of course, when that words creeps up, I can not help but think about my Oskar. I think about how people wonder if an adopted child could be loved as much as a biological child. Then I remember a little girl standing in the kitchen with a scorched silk shirt waiting for her father with tears in her eyes. I remember Andy coming home from the hospital and watching to see if my father loved him more. Then I feel really silly and I remember those words spoken long ago, " Shea Elizabeth, I probably should have walked away a long time ago, but I just could not leave you. I fell in love with you first and then your mother."
Love has no biological ties. Love doesn't have to be so hard. Love is a choice, a commitment. Love is hearing a man say he never had to stay, but he wasn't walking out on his daughter, his daughter by heart, not blood. Do I love Oskar as much as my other children? Hell Yes. After all, I am my father's daughter.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Summer is coming! I can feel it in the air. I could happily skip right over spring and hit the hot months willingly, though I look forward to my garden. Things on the home front are going well. The kiddos are their normal spoiled selves lol. Work is work, I'm not going further on that topic. Our fence is supposed to be put in this week, and I am super excited about that!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The rest of the bunch
So here is a quick re cap of the on goings in the Drummond house.
Andy: Poor bubba has broken up with his girlfriend. I am still hoping that he focuses more on school and less with the ladies. Don't know if that is going to happen though. School is going well for him though, and he works full time as a manager at a restaurant.
Miri: As always the princess of the house pushes herself to be the best. Her grades had slipped the last year. I told her it was fine because she was taking difficult classes. B's are fine if that is the best she can do. She did not like that so she is now trying to make all A's lol. That's my girl. She is also about to start back at soccer.
A.J. : Ms. priss has decided to boycott homework, and being the bad mom I am, I decided to let her face the consequences and not push her. 14 responsibility marks later, she has decided she needs to try harder and is reading again. Does anyone see a pattern here? My kids generally have to decide to do the right thing by themselves. She is finally is size 7 clothes and loves playing with our new puppy, a yorkie poo named Carly.
Oskar : Little man has developed a love for strawberry ice cream and will even let me lick his cone. He hates pizza, loves mexican, and begs me to roll the windows down in the car and drive fast. He also thinks that summer is here since it got up to 65 degrees the other day. He has also requested we buy a faster car and I purchase him his own cell phone. In the last two weeks he has thrown away all the toothpaste, and I am trying to get to the bottom of that. Mt suspicion is that to him, brushing teeth at night means magamaw(bedtime) and he thinks if he doesn't brush his teeth, he won't have to go to bed. Also, he has become quite the lady's man. He can turn on the charm something fierce, and I know I have trouble coming. He is a looker too, so will watch out and have the baseball bat ready.
Andy: Poor bubba has broken up with his girlfriend. I am still hoping that he focuses more on school and less with the ladies. Don't know if that is going to happen though. School is going well for him though, and he works full time as a manager at a restaurant.
Miri: As always the princess of the house pushes herself to be the best. Her grades had slipped the last year. I told her it was fine because she was taking difficult classes. B's are fine if that is the best she can do. She did not like that so she is now trying to make all A's lol. That's my girl. She is also about to start back at soccer.
A.J. : Ms. priss has decided to boycott homework, and being the bad mom I am, I decided to let her face the consequences and not push her. 14 responsibility marks later, she has decided she needs to try harder and is reading again. Does anyone see a pattern here? My kids generally have to decide to do the right thing by themselves. She is finally is size 7 clothes and loves playing with our new puppy, a yorkie poo named Carly.
Oskar : Little man has developed a love for strawberry ice cream and will even let me lick his cone. He hates pizza, loves mexican, and begs me to roll the windows down in the car and drive fast. He also thinks that summer is here since it got up to 65 degrees the other day. He has also requested we buy a faster car and I purchase him his own cell phone. In the last two weeks he has thrown away all the toothpaste, and I am trying to get to the bottom of that. Mt suspicion is that to him, brushing teeth at night means magamaw(bedtime) and he thinks if he doesn't brush his teeth, he won't have to go to bed. Also, he has become quite the lady's man. He can turn on the charm something fierce, and I know I have trouble coming. He is a looker too, so will watch out and have the baseball bat ready.
Monday, February 22, 2010
57 things about me
http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.com/2010/02/57-things.html
I borrowed this from Christine's blog. Her answers are in the link above.
1. Shea was from a lawyer friend who got my hell raising hippie dad out of trouble.
2. My mother was as wild as they came. She dated bikers, drank, smoked(not just cigarettes either lol). Most of that was before I was born, most of it.
3. My mother wanted me to be different than her. She sent me to a strict Pentecostal school as a child. I did not get to wear pants until I was 9 and went to public school.
4. I have no contact with any of my bio family other than my brother whom I raised.
5. I only knew my bio grandmother. My paternal grandparents passed away before I was born and my maternal grandfather left when my mom was 2 and she never saw him again.
6. My grandmother was adopted from an orphanage in Memphis tn when she was 4. She never had any desire to find her bio family. She adored her adoptive father.
7. Alcohol has little effect on me, so I choose to rarely drink.
8. I learned to swim when I was 12 by jumping in the deep end of a pool and hoping for the best.
9. When I was 5 my mom bought me a real ruby ring. I lost it by pretending to get married to a neighborhood boy. She offered all the kids $50 if they found it, but no one did :(
10. I am a Christian
11. I was baptized when I was 18.
12. I adore buttered popcorn salt taffy, but I can't find it anymore.
13. I love the beach and mountains.
14. I'm always cold.
15. Pink Floyd is my favorite band.
16. I never have any money in my wallet.
17. I want to write a book.
18. I believe that my children will change the world and make it a better place.
19. My kids stick up for anyone getting picked on.
20. I've been with my husband since I was 16, and that's a long time, really long time.
21. I would have been a better single person. I'm hard to live with.
22. Everything is black and white to me. Right is right, and wrong is wrong.
23. I seriously considered giving my first daughter up for adoption and had a family picked out for her. I was 16 when I got pregnant with her.
24. I think about that family a lot and hope they were able to be parents.
25. I was so scared I would not be good enough for my daughter. I wanted her to have the best. She is the best daughter anyone could want.
26. She thinks I am too hard on her.
27. I am, but I promised God when she was born that I would raise her to love him and obey him.
28. My daughter still doesn't know her own worth. Sometimes I dream of her being able to see the beauty in her like I do. She is such a good person and so much stronger than me.
29. I was scared something would go wrong during my whole preg. with A.J. I just did not think I could be lucky enough to have two healthy daughters.
30. I want to go to Italy. That is the only place in Europe I ever wanted to go.
31. I love anything covered in gravy.
32. I need a red corvette. Every time I get close to affording one, I have another child.
33. If A.J. was a boy she would have been named corvin lol.
34. I am really good at rummy.
35. I wanted to be in the peace corp when I was younger.
36. I'm not sure I am going to let my kids date. I see nothing wrong with them waiting until they are 18.
37. I like to cook with my kids.
37. I have talks with the kids about politics, taxes, and all sorts of things.
38. I can't live without my fax machine. I use it all the time.
39. I really like my job, and I think I am pretty decent at it too.
40. I never pay full price for anything.
41. I could eat pasta every day.
42. Soul food is my favorite type of food. Nothing beats fried yam patties and a corn bread pancake.
43. I don't pay attention to race very much though it seems the world does.
44. I hate reverse racism and affirmative action. I think they are the same thing.
45. I miss Memphis and how it smells on a summer night.
46. I think God is up there shaking his head at us. He gave us a rule book and we still mess it up.
47. I sang karaoke on Beale street many years ago. I was scared to death. I sang a r&b song by Kelly Price.
48. I want to move to Arizona or Florida.
49. I miss my husband every second that he is away from me. I wish he felt the same way.
50. I teach my kids that a person does not have to be married to be happy.
51. I would not be disappointed at all if my kids chose to be single.
52. They know I only have one request of them. If they marry, marry a Christian.
53. I refuse to use one of those straightening thingies on my hair. It's too much work and they look really weird. I got what God gave me. It's as straight as he wants it.
54. I sleep on my side and never facing anyone.
55. I take really hot baths.
56. I just recently started liking the color brown.
57. I make no apologies for what I believe. I am who I am. If someone doesn't like me, I could care less. I worked really hard to be this screwed up, and I like myself just fine. It took me 31 years to figure this out.
I borrowed this from Christine's blog. Her answers are in the link above.
1. Shea was from a lawyer friend who got my hell raising hippie dad out of trouble.
2. My mother was as wild as they came. She dated bikers, drank, smoked(not just cigarettes either lol). Most of that was before I was born, most of it.
3. My mother wanted me to be different than her. She sent me to a strict Pentecostal school as a child. I did not get to wear pants until I was 9 and went to public school.
4. I have no contact with any of my bio family other than my brother whom I raised.
5. I only knew my bio grandmother. My paternal grandparents passed away before I was born and my maternal grandfather left when my mom was 2 and she never saw him again.
6. My grandmother was adopted from an orphanage in Memphis tn when she was 4. She never had any desire to find her bio family. She adored her adoptive father.
7. Alcohol has little effect on me, so I choose to rarely drink.
8. I learned to swim when I was 12 by jumping in the deep end of a pool and hoping for the best.
9. When I was 5 my mom bought me a real ruby ring. I lost it by pretending to get married to a neighborhood boy. She offered all the kids $50 if they found it, but no one did :(
10. I am a Christian
11. I was baptized when I was 18.
12. I adore buttered popcorn salt taffy, but I can't find it anymore.
13. I love the beach and mountains.
14. I'm always cold.
15. Pink Floyd is my favorite band.
16. I never have any money in my wallet.
17. I want to write a book.
18. I believe that my children will change the world and make it a better place.
19. My kids stick up for anyone getting picked on.
20. I've been with my husband since I was 16, and that's a long time, really long time.
21. I would have been a better single person. I'm hard to live with.
22. Everything is black and white to me. Right is right, and wrong is wrong.
23. I seriously considered giving my first daughter up for adoption and had a family picked out for her. I was 16 when I got pregnant with her.
24. I think about that family a lot and hope they were able to be parents.
25. I was so scared I would not be good enough for my daughter. I wanted her to have the best. She is the best daughter anyone could want.
26. She thinks I am too hard on her.
27. I am, but I promised God when she was born that I would raise her to love him and obey him.
28. My daughter still doesn't know her own worth. Sometimes I dream of her being able to see the beauty in her like I do. She is such a good person and so much stronger than me.
29. I was scared something would go wrong during my whole preg. with A.J. I just did not think I could be lucky enough to have two healthy daughters.
30. I want to go to Italy. That is the only place in Europe I ever wanted to go.
31. I love anything covered in gravy.
32. I need a red corvette. Every time I get close to affording one, I have another child.
33. If A.J. was a boy she would have been named corvin lol.
34. I am really good at rummy.
35. I wanted to be in the peace corp when I was younger.
36. I'm not sure I am going to let my kids date. I see nothing wrong with them waiting until they are 18.
37. I like to cook with my kids.
37. I have talks with the kids about politics, taxes, and all sorts of things.
38. I can't live without my fax machine. I use it all the time.
39. I really like my job, and I think I am pretty decent at it too.
40. I never pay full price for anything.
41. I could eat pasta every day.
42. Soul food is my favorite type of food. Nothing beats fried yam patties and a corn bread pancake.
43. I don't pay attention to race very much though it seems the world does.
44. I hate reverse racism and affirmative action. I think they are the same thing.
45. I miss Memphis and how it smells on a summer night.
46. I think God is up there shaking his head at us. He gave us a rule book and we still mess it up.
47. I sang karaoke on Beale street many years ago. I was scared to death. I sang a r&b song by Kelly Price.
48. I want to move to Arizona or Florida.
49. I miss my husband every second that he is away from me. I wish he felt the same way.
50. I teach my kids that a person does not have to be married to be happy.
51. I would not be disappointed at all if my kids chose to be single.
52. They know I only have one request of them. If they marry, marry a Christian.
53. I refuse to use one of those straightening thingies on my hair. It's too much work and they look really weird. I got what God gave me. It's as straight as he wants it.
54. I sleep on my side and never facing anyone.
55. I take really hot baths.
56. I just recently started liking the color brown.
57. I make no apologies for what I believe. I am who I am. If someone doesn't like me, I could care less. I worked really hard to be this screwed up, and I like myself just fine. It took me 31 years to figure this out.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
O continues to do very well. He had steak during the superbowl and LOVED it. I think he would eat it every day if I could afford to feed it to him. HE has grown 2 centimeters in height but not gained any weight. Personally I think he runs everything off. In a few months he will be evaluated for adhd. His little body is so excited all the time, and he literally bounces off the walls. We have been off school for several days due to the snow and he misses his routine as well. The girls are doing well in school and love their brother very much. We are all eagerly awaiting spring and the banishment of this Siberia type weather!!
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