My husband is getting me a dog for Valentines. He doesn't know that I know though. Yes, it was a dog I asked for about 4 or 5 years ago, but I have since gotten two dogs. I only do rescue dogs, and this is one he has bought, so I am not sure how I feel about this. I really have enough between 4 kids, 2 dogs, 1 hermit crab, working full time, and keeping up with everything around here. I told him for the last year that I did not EVER want to add another dog to this family. Two is plenty, and besides, Wendy my beagle/basset has issues getting along with other dogs anyway. It's a delicate mix getting our two to get along and this is all just driving me NUTS. Oh, did I mention it's a puppy. Unlike most women I don't like puppies or babies. I love dogs and I love kids, I just don't like them when they are little. I mean I like them in small increments. I recently baby sat for Andy's girlfriend, and it was my idea. Her little baby was great, but it was also nice to send him home after about 5 hours. If I could give birth to children when they were about 4 years old, I would have 12 of them by now. I really can not see any way out of this. If I tell him no I hurt his feelings. If I keep it, I'll be more nuts than I already am.......... Why can't men ever get it right? He could have made a donation to reecesrainbow and it would have made me so happy. P.S. if any of you women readers out there want to tell me how perfect your hubbies are, please don't lol.

From New Years!

Yesterday after making snow cream

The things they never tell you about adoption

When you first begin the process of adoption, you begin being educated. In order to pass a home study and be Hague qualified, prospective parents take many hours of classes on children. A good portion always deals with bonding. They warn you that it takes time and patience to bond. There are always suggestions on how to facilitate the process and make things easier. Mostly though I remember my classes as well as other parents warning me about the unknowns. We are all told that their will be unexpected health issues, behavior problems, and not to loose faith. For certain adoption is HARD. Nothing ever goes as planned. Paperwork is lost, things are left out, and it ALWAYS costs more that what they tell you. No one tells you that last part though lol.

So going into adoption and having been fully warned, I took everything I heard with a grain of salt. The only thing I knew for certain was that my son had a smile that could charm a serpent and that God brought me to him. I came with very little expectations. I wanted only one thing, and that was to let him know that I accepted him on his terms and for who he was.

I worked my ass off trying to learn Eesti because how could I expect a child to learn my language without giving him the same respect? I can truly say that I know as much Eesti as he does English. It's not a lot, but I did try. No told me to do that, I just wanted to.

So this brings me back to my title, what they don't tell you. So I told you how I was forewarned about everything, but there was so much that got left out. No one told me that I could love like this. No one told me that seeing my son smile even after 2 months would take my breath away. No one told me that I would think my son was the most handsome boy in the world. No one told me that he would try to buy me flowers, carry my groceries, or warn me to turn on my windshield wipers at the first sign of rain drops. No one told me that a 5 year old boy would crawl up in my lap, give me Eskimo kisses, and nuzzle his head against my neck. No one told me that even when he acted up or misbehaved that I really would not care.

No one told me in less than 3 months I could love like this. I was not warned that it would feel like he has always been here. No one told me that I would walk through hell if it meant making him happy. Most of all, I was not told that it was possible that he could really love me so soon. With all the warnings about bonding, I never knew that he would hold me so tight, squeal even when I came back in the room 5 minutes later, or that he would let me rock him and tell him that he belongs to me and I to him. No one told me he would smile each time I said, "Oskar Daniel you are mine".

The most important thing that has stayed consistent is that all of this was meant to be. From the beginning I knew my son was born on the other side of the world. I was born to be his mother, and he was waiting for me to bring him home. From the moment I saw his picture I have belonged to Oskar. He is my heart, and on the hardest of days, he makes it all okay. All of my children are treasured gifts, and each of them thank me for their brother often. I never knew it would feel so right. I never knew a little boy could change my world the way he did. I do not worry the way I used to. I do not stress about money or bills. Most of all I am not afraid. My Oskar is not afraid, so I try hard to be strong like my son. He makes me a better person, wife, and mother. He is everything I wanted and exactly what I needed.

Sometimes I think about what my life could have been like without O in it, and I cringe. It's amazing to me in just a matter of months that I could love someone so very much. In my eyes, he can do very little wrong. He is the most perfect child God could have ever given to me. It feels so good to have my babies all close and taken care of. All of my children are gifts from God, and I adore them all.

Just got back from A.J's pee wee cheerleading at the basketball game. My adorable son informed me he would NOT dance to musica(cheer), he did not like basketball, and he is going to play football. After it was over, he gave A.J. a big kiss and told her, "good job A.J.". Oskar also received a note home today from his teacher. She said that he had a wonderful day and was calm all day. He is playing better with the children. When I picked him up the after school caregiver had given him a yellow balloon which made him very happy. All opf my kiddos are doing wonderful. Miranda was also invited to join the junior honor society, and Andy has found a sweet girl he cares very much about.

Pure love

It gets better every day. O is amazing. He comes and sits on my lap now, gives tons of kisses, and some times he comes up to me and strokes my hair. He loves to cuddle and sneaks into my bed when Daddy leaves and falls asleep beside me. No mother could want for a more perfect son. God has truly blessed me with this little boy. Yes, he is active, but I would not want him any different. He has fire and passion for life, and I LOVE IT!!!!

Pre school is going GREAT! I like it so much I may leave O there for Kindergarten. He deserves the best, and I fully intend on making up for everything my little prince has ever missed. They say he is a joy to have and all the children love him. He is excited every morning to go, and he is happy to see me when I pick him up. I made a good decision not putting him in Kindergarten yet, and I think he will do even better next year because of it. I am back at work full time, and that is nice too for a change. I am not a very good stay at home mom I am afraid. I envy those who do it well, but I am not organized or structured enough to make a very good go of it, though I survived 8 months. I do wish my job was 3 days a week, but I really love what I do, and a lot of people can't say that. Oh to throw me for a loop, when I told hubby I was getting my tubes tied, he said he wanted another baby. I will never understand that man?!?!

Just life

Seriously, how can a little boy be so cute? O is absolutely amazing. He cuddles like no one else. He smells good, he gives the best kisses, he is smart, funny, and when scary movies come on he holds me and tells me, "it's okay, it's okay". We had to shave his hair because he got a hold of the scissors, and if you can believe it, he is even more handsome than before! How can a little boy be so gorgeous? Seriously, I should probably get him into modeling.

Miri is turning into quite the lady. She helps me more around the house. She is becoming more responsible, and every time I turn around I find her with O in her lap and telling him he is Miranda's boy. That girl loves her brother!

A.J. and O fight like cat and dog. Someone forgot to tell O that he is the little brother. He thinks it is his responsibility to tell A.J. what to do and look after her. He even tries to protect her too. As much as they fight, neither can stay away from the other. Even when he speaks in Eesti, she seems to understand him, and they go off together to play all the time. She got a barbie style head for Christmas. We caught him attempting to play with it, and when no one was looking he gave Barbie a great big kiss, so he already the lady's man lol.

Andy has been spending more time at home. O adores him, but tells him all the time he can't have his toys. Andy is 20, so I think O's toys are safe lol. Andy taught O how to watch sponge bob on you tube, so O thinks he is super cool now.

Things are so good with the kiddos. O starts pre school Monday. Pray for this momma on his first day of school. I may just cry!